Agent Stacy
by Nelinde A
Summary: It's not always easy being a field agent, especially when you don't have the ability to speak. When Perry needs a human's help on his mission, he seeks out Stacy Hirano and brings her along. B plot to "A Sister's Love."
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is the B plot story to "A Sister's Love," so go read a chapter of that, and then a chapter of this, and then a chapter of the other one, and so on. I was inspired to write this because I adore Stacy, and was always disappointed that they never built on the fact that she knew Perry's secret. Come one guys, how hard would it have been for her to just make Candace look at the ground when she saw Perry flying overhead? But I digress. And if some of the logic doesn't seem to add up in this story, remember this is Phineas and Ferb logic. Enjoy!  
**

Part 1

"Behold, Perry the Platypus, the Temptation-inator!"

Doofenshmirtz paused as he always did after announcing his invention, as if he could hear dramatic music in his head every time he revealed the daily inator. Perry had stopped squirming in the vat of sap he was trapped in, and was now looking boredly at the gun in his nemesis' hands.

"What's that look for, Perry the Platypus? I haven't even told you what it does yet! You see, everyone is always tempted to do the dumbest and most irresponsible things, but they don't, either because they have a lot of will power, or, as is more often the case, the thing they want to do is illegal in some way. But with this device, I will be able to make anyone give in to those temptations they try so hard to squash down! Then, when my brother Roger tries to stop them, I will offer them the chance to continue making those illegal choices if they will follow me instead of him. And thus I will have successfully taken over the Tri-State Area!"

Another pause for inaudible music, and then he went on, "The only problem is, I haven't quite worked out all the bugs yet…right now it just tempts people, but doesn't render them incapable of resisting. But not to worry, it'll just take me half an hour or so, and you still look pretty stuck. You like that, Perry the Platypus? I was trying to buy two tons of _soap_ , because, well, let's just say I go through a lot of soap. But the idiot on the phone heard _sap_ , so that's where that trap came from." He gestured towards Perry and accidentally fired a shot off the balcony. "Oops. Well, whatever poor soul that hit, they probably won't be affected, unless all they needed was a little push to go off the deep end. Anyway, you just sit tight, Perry the Platypus, and I'll have this thing working in a jiffy."

As Doofenshmirtz sat down with his tools, Perry again began to squirm in his trap. But the sap was pulling at his short hairs uncomfortably, and it was extremely sticky sap. As his mind raced to think of a way out of this, he only half-heard Doofenshmirtz rambling, "Does anybody even say 'jiffy' anymore? And what is a jiffy anyway; how is that an acceptable measurement of time? It's like saying 'back in a flash' or 'two shakes of a lamb's tail;' now _that's_ a weird saying. What does a lamb have to do with anything? _I_ wasn't talking about sheep, _you_ weren't talking about sheep. I suppose though, sometimes, people actually _are_ talking about sheep, and then that would make more sense…maybe. But why a lamb's tail, why not an elephant tail, or, I don't know, a narwhal tail? Narwhals have tails, right?" He looked up to see Perry struggling, and laughed. "Good luck getting out of there, Perry the Platypus. Stickiness is, after all, the most underrated of all the nesses. I learned that at an amusement park once."

There weren't many traps that the famous Agent P couldn't get out of, but this one was beginning to worry him. He knew he'd get out eventually; he always did, but on the rare occasions when Doofenshmirtz brought his A-game to a trap, his inator usually worked pretty well that day, too.

Doofenshmirtz finally held up his invention triumphantly. "And done! Now let's test this baby out." He ran to the balcony and fired it at a little boy holding his father's hand. Doofenshmirtz fired at the boy, and was delighted to see the boy grab his father's wallet and run away laughing gleefully. "Yes!" Doofenshmirtz cried. He fired it a middle-aged woman, who promptly ran into a store and came out with a dozen cats. He fired it at an overweight man, who was staring mournfully into the window of an ice cream store. The man let out a whoop and cried "To heck with my diet!" before rushing inside.

"It works," Doofenshmirtz said in a hushed voice, looking at his creation in awe. "It really works! It's functioning properly! And best of all, you're still not able to defeat me, Perry the Platypus! So I'm gonna go terrorize the town! I'd love to bring you with me, of course, but it seems you're in quite a sticky situation at the moment." He laughed maniacally before throwing open his front door and skipping out.

Perry began struggling even harder now, but it was at least another ten minutes before he finally loosened the sap around him enough to spring free. He grabbed his jetpack and flew out the window, scanning the city for Doofenshmirtz. But all he could see were abandoned cars in the streets, and people running wild, and a couple of buildings on fire. It was incredible what that inator had been able to accomplish in only ten minutes. This was getting serious. But he still wasn't too concerned yet; all he had to do was destroy the thing and everyone would go back to normal, right?

When Perry finally located his nemesis, Doofenshmirtz had arrived at City Hall. Mayor Roger Doofenshmirtz was addressing the public, and saying how he and the police force would not stand for this kind of anarchy, and that he intended to make Danville peaceful again. But to his surprise, the crowd did not side with him as they always did. They began to boo him and declared that he didn't believe in free choice. That's when Doofenshmirtz sauntered up with a haughty smile.

"Hello, Heinz," Roger said. "I don't suppose you have anything to do with the citizens turning on me, do you?"

"That's for me to know, and you to find out," Doofenshmirtz informed him. He cleared his throat, and stepped up to the podium. "Greetings, Danville! Since the mayor is obviously no longer concerned about your needs, I suggest that you follow someone more, shall we say, cooperative, such as myself! Make me your leader, and I will allow you to continue doing whatever the heck you want!"

This was meant with great cheers of approval, and Doofenshmirtz only turned away when he saw a little teal hand reaching up towards his inator. He held it out of reach and said, "Oh, bet you want to push the self-destruct button, huh, Perry the Platypus? Well there's something I may have failed to tell you about this inator—self-destructing it won't make everyone go back to normal! It will in fact ensure that everyone stays like this permanently! That'll tie your tail in a knot for a while, won't it?" He turned back to his adoring fans, while Perry stood with his mouth slightly dropped open. Since when did Doofenshmirtz have this much foresight?

He watched Doofenshmirtz take off into the streets again, and then walked off discouraged, his beaver tail dragging behind him. Eventually his wrist communicator beeped, and he glanced at it to see Major Monogram. "Agent P! We've just received word that Dr. Doofenshmirtz has gained control of the town, and destroying his device will only make the effects permanent!"

Perry turned away so he could roll his eyes without them seeing, then looked back.

"We haven't dealt with such a weapon for decades. In fact, the only one who knows how to deal with such cases, is my mother, Mary Monogram. She lives by herself on the edge of town. She's really old. I mean, _really_ old. Like so old that if you put a dinosaur with a—"

"Sir?" Carl appeared on the screen. "Kinda in a hurry here?"

"Oh, right." Monogram cleared his throat. "The point is that her eyesight is long gone, so I'll be sending Carl with you to do the talking. We've just sent you her coordinates, and he'll meet you there."

"Ha! That's what you think!" Doofenshmirtz suddenly appeared on the screen, and zapped them both with the inator. Then he looked at Perry. "No more Mr. Nice Guy, Perry the Platypus, the next time I see you I'll give you the temptation of a lifetime! Doof out!"

The screen went to static, and Perry looked at it blankly. Okay, _now_ he was worried. He could communicate pretty well through hand gestures and facial expressions, and he had learned how to write when training for the agency, but none of that would work with a blind person. But who else could he go to? Monty Monogram was the only other human who knew his secret and wasn't a villain, but he was on a mission in New Zealand, and Perry had no way of contacting him.

And then he remembered. There _was_ someone else. Someone who had learned his secret quite by accident and whom he'd known for as long as he'd been an agent. Perry winced as he tried desperately to think of anyone else. It wasn't that he didn't like or trust Stacy. It was just that she had no training whatsoever, and he would never forgive himself if something happened to her.

But he was unsuccessful, so he found himself on the Hiranos' porch about to knock on the front door, when he heard "Perry?" from behind him, and turned around to see the teenager in question. He touched the brim of his hat in greeting. "Awesome, you're wearing your secret agent hat again! I thought for sure you'd never let me see that again in the hopes I'd forget." Perry looked behind her anxiously, and Stacy shook her head. "Don't worry, Candace is at your house. She's…kinda going through something with the boys. Can I help you with something?"

Perry nodded, and led her into her living room, where he turned on the news and pointed at the TV. Stacy nodded. "Yeah, that story is trending right now. Wait a minute, that's that evil pharmacist you were fighting in here, isn't it?" She watched the TV for a minute, and then said, "Okay, so if he's the leader now, that's a bad thing, right? Is he responsible for everyone following their every impulse?" Perry nodded, and then held up a picture of the inator. Stacy looked at it closely. "Oh, that must be what he's using to make everyone go nuts! Yikes, you'd think he'd be subtler. But what are you showing me this for?"

Perry gave her a look, and then Stacy understood, and leapt up with a gasp and a squeal. "Oh my gosh, no way! You want me to help you?" Perry shrugged and gave her a hopeful smile. Stacy shrieked and hugged him. "Of course I'll help you! Oh my gosh oh my gosh, I'm gonna be a secret agent! Wait til I tell Candace…" Perry put his hand on her phone and shook his head disapprovingly. "Oh right, right, no telling anyone. _Secret_ agent, got it. Well what are we waiting for, let's get to saving Danville, partner!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

By the time Perry knocked on the door of the old house, the sun was beginning to set. It had taken longer than he would have liked, since Stacy kept having questions and he had to keep stopping and figure out a way to answer her. But they'd finally made it, and he couldn't wait to finally make some progress in his mission. Doofenshmirtz had apparently decided to call it a day and head back home, but that didn't mean Perry wasn't still anxious to deal with the situation at hand.

But when the door opened, a tall, smartly dressed gentleman opened the door. He looked down his nose at them and said, "Well, what have we here? A platypus and a teenager. Can I help you?"

"Woah, a butler, that is so cool!" Stacy said. Perry chattered at her, and she said quickly, "I mean, hi there, we'd like to see Mary Monogram."

"I'm sorry, but Miss Monogram has gone to bed," the man replied. "Come back tomorrow."

"What?" Stacy asked. "But it's super important that we see her tonight. It's not like we live close to her or anything!"

"Miss Monogram has very strict rules about being woken up," the butler said sternly. "Good evening."

"Come on, I'm serious, this is kind of like a life or death situation!" Stacy said. But then she looked doubtful. "I mean, I think." She looked at Perry. "Is it?"

"And I am serious that waking her up right now would also be a life or death situation," the man replied. "I must ask you again to come back tomorrow." He then proceeded to shut the door firmly in their faces.

Stacy groaned. "Ugh, I guess you were right about her being super old. Well, what do we do now, just go home?"

Perry shrugged and nodded, and started walking away. He took Stacy home, and as she was walking up to her front door, she looked at him and said, "When do old people get up, like eight? You wanna meet back there at eight?" He nodded and waved, and then set out for his own home. He couldn't sleep that night; he'd almost never had to sleep on an unfinished mission before and his mind kept racing with strategies and concerns. But that was just as well, because Phineas didn't seem to be able to sleep either, and just sat up in bed squeezing him. Perry vaguely wondered what was wrong, but he was too preoccupied to give that much thought.

He was up with the sun, even though he knew he had a couple hours to kill before meeting Stacy. He just wanted to keep an eye on the city and see if his nemesis would get up to any more mischief. But all he saw were the same people from yesterday, doing whatever they so pleased, so clearly the effects hadn't worn off yet. He sighed and started to make his way towards Mary Monogram's house.

Fortunately Stacy was right on time, and fortunately they were allowed in this time. Stacy laid out the whole story to her, finally ending with, "And we hear you're the only one who knows what to do about this. So how are we supposed to defeat this guy?"

"Oh yes, we used to see a couple of these in my time with the agency," Mary replied. "And the solution is simple in theory, but often difficult in practice. See, if you can't turn it off, you've got to get him to do it for you."

"How are we supposed to do that?" Stacy asked.

"It's a little easier with a temptation gun," Mary said. "All you have to do is give him any reason at all to even think of turning it off, and then shooting him with his own ray will tempt him to go through with it."

"That's genius!" Stacy said, but she and Perry were both privately thinking how obvious that was and wondered why they'd been unable to think of that themselves and had to come all the way down here to hear it. "But what could make him want to do that?" she asked. "I mean, he's not exactly perceptive enough to see how this is affecting the community in a bad way."

"Well, you'll have to show him how it is," Mary replied. "Cut close to home, find something that matters to him."

"What, like a family member?" Stacy asked. Perry's eyes suddenly got wide. Stacy turned to Perry. "Does he have a family?" she asked. Perry pulled out a picture of Vanessa, and Stacy raised her eyebrows. "Hey, that's Vanessa, I know her! I had no idea her dad was a supervillain."

Perry slid off the couch, and Stacy saw the cue and stood up as well. "Well we'd better go, we've kind of got a Tri-State area to save," she said, and then added proudly, "I've always wanted to say that."

"Yes, you should get going with that," Mary said. She motioned for her butler to show them out, and called after them, "Have fun storming the evil lair!"

"She was nice," Stacy mused, once they'd made it outside. "But I think that visit was kind of arbitrary. Of course we have to use the weapon on the villain! That makes so much sense! So, what's our next move?"

But Perry shook his head, and pointed away.

"What?" Stacy asked. "What?"

Perry just looked at her, and continued to point.

"Okay, I think I deserve a lot of credit here for reading most of your sign language, but I'm not picking up on this one," Stacy said. "I mean, it almost looks like you don't want me to…" She stopped as she realized what he wanted. "Wait…are you sending me home?"

Perry nodded, trying unsuccessfully to not look guilty. He was doing the right thing, he told himself. He didn't need her anymore, and he'd already pushed the boundaries a little by even letting her come this far.

"No way!" Stacy said. "You came to me for help, Perry, and from what I can see the mission's not over yet. Come on, I can totally help you! I'm…not sure how exactly, but that's _why_ you need me, because you can never be sure when you'll need me! Please?"

Perry thought about it and sighed. Finally he gave a slow nod gradually became more rapid.

Stacy grinned and punched her fists in the air. "Yes!" she said. "All right, I get to save the world! And I was voted least likely to survive an apocalypse, too."

Perry rolled his eyes, but couldn't help smiling.

By the time the two arrived back in Downtown Danville, Perry was feeling more confident about what they had to do, because there still was no activity coming from the Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated Building. Hopefully they could disable the machine without any more civilians being hit.

"So I'm feeling a little weird about this whole shooting Vanessa thing," Stacy admitted.

Well, except that one.

"I mean, if we use the ray on her, aren't we just as bad as the guy who shot everyone with it yesterday?" Stacy asked. "She didn't do anything wrong, so why does she have to be caught in the crossfire?"

Perry understood. He had to make that decision nearly every day. But he had come to realize that if it was for the greater good, and nobody aside from his nemesis was actually harmed, then it was undeniably the right thing to do. Vanessa wouldn't be harmed, and if all went to plan, she would feel the effects of it for only a few moments. So he just shrugged.

"I guess you're right," Stacy said. "It's the only way."

They flew in over the balcony, and Perry landed his jetpack. They could see inside the apartment, where Doofenshmirtz was arguing with his daughter. "But Dad, if I can't have a tattoo I won't get invited to the junkyard anymore!" Vanessa protested.

"I told you honey, if anyone's going to draw on your arms it's going to be me," her father replied. "Run along now, I have to take over the Tri-State area before Perry the Platypus gets here."

"Ugh, that thing is totally lame, Dad," Vanessa said. "It's messing up the city; it took Mom and I an hour to get here yesterday because no one was obeying traffic laws."

"Hush baby, I know what I'm doing," he replied. He looked out on the balcony and shrieked. "Perry the Platypus, how long have you been there? And who's your little friend?"

"Stacy?" Vanessa asked.

Stacy waved. "Hi Vanessa!"

"You work with my dad's nemesis?" Stacy asked.

"Nah, this is kind of a one-time thing," Stacy explained.

"Ladies, if you want to gossip, go downstairs and do it," Doofenshmritz pleaded. He pulled out his Temptation-inator. "Perry the Platypus and I have some unfinished business."

He began shooting the ray off at them, but Perry jumped and ducked out of the way, and was very impressed to see that Stacy was doing a pretty good job of staying clear of it as well. A delivery man came to the door, and Vanessa let him in. Perry saw that a stray shot was going in the man's direction, and leapt over to him to try and shove him out of the way. But he wasn't quick enough. Perry gave a chatter of surprise as the ray brushed his fur.

He'd been hit.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3**

"Perry!" Stacy screamed.

"Dad!" Vanessa said, in an annoyed tone. "If you keep treating your nemesis like that, he's not going to want to come thwart you anymore!"

"Oh, I'm counting on that," Doofenshmirtz said, grinning. He turned to Perry. "How do you feel, Perry the Platypus? What do you want to do, or not do, right now, more than anything?"

"Perry?" Stacy asked. "You need to fight it, okay? You're the secret agent, not me! I came to help you, but if you leave now, whose going to help me?"

Perry looked back and forth and each of them. But then he slowly reached up and took off his fedora. He handed it to Stacy.

Stacy took at and looked at it before up at him in horror. "So that's it?" She asked. "You're just giving up?"

"He has no choice, if that's what he's tempted to do right now!" Doofenshmirtz laughed. "Looks like you're the secret agent now, kid."

Stacy looked at Perry with fear in her eyes. "Please, Perry?" She whispered. "Please tell me you're faking this?"

He shook his head, and waved. Then he made his way over to his jetpack, and flew off the balcony.

Doofenshmirtz began jumping up and down. "Yes, yes, yes! I stopped Perry the Platypus, I don't need to worry about him anymore!"

"Maybe not," Stacy said. "But you still got me to worry about, ya delusional pharmacist!"

He was distracted by her outburst, as she'd hoped he would be, and so she was able to leap at him and grab the inator out of his hands.

"Hey!" he cried. "Give that back!"

"Can't do that, sorry," Stacy said. She put the fedora on her head. "You said it yourself, I'm the secret agent now."

"And what are you going to do with it?" he asked. "You can't destroy it, because the people I've hit will never recover if you do."

"I know that," she said, trying not to let her hands shake.

"And you can't shoot me," he said. "I mean you could, but it probably won't help you."

Stacy began taking deep breaths, and after finally steadying the ray, she quickly turned and shot it at Vanessa.

"NOOOOOOO!" Doofenshmirtz cried. "Not Vanessa! Don't you know what that could do to her, you little brat?"

"I'm going to go get a tattoo, Dad," Vanessa said. "I don't care what you do to me."

"No, Pumpkin Pants, please, stay here!" her father begged.

"And if my boyfriend wants to propose to me today, I'll probably say yes," she said.

"No, sweetheart, you can't just throw your life away like that!" he said, on the verge of tears.

"Oh, and I forgot to tell you that I was invited to go skydiving with Lacey," she went on.

" _Skydiving_? Don't you know how dangerous that is?"

"Oh my gosh Dad, you're so overprotective! You know what, I don't think I want to come over here anymore," Vanessa finished, stomping towards the door.

After slamming it behind her, Doofenshmirtz sank to his knees. "What have I done?" he wailed. "What have I done?"

After a pause, Stacy cleared her throat and said, "You know…if you turn it off, she'd probably go back to normal, right?"

"Maybe," he sniffed. "I mean, yeah, I think I built it that way."

"You really love her, right?" Stacy pressed. "I mean, you want her back more than anything, don't you? Even more than the Tri-State Area?"

"Of course! I mean I do, but—"

That was all Stacy needed to hear. She shot him with the inator without a second thought, and then tossed it to him. "Then do it! Turn it off, right now!"

Doofenshmirtz rushed over to his worktable, and after grabbing a couple of tools and working on it, he turned to the door expectantly. "Okay, I think that should do it."

Sure enough, Vanessa walked through the door moments later. She ran into her dad's arms and said "I'm sorry Dad, I don't know why I said any of those things. I was just mad about the tattoo, I guess."

Stacy beamed and put her hands on her hips dramatically. "Oh yeah, I did this, guys. 'What's that, Stacy? Did anyone help you with saving the world?' Nope, it was just me, by myself, oh yeaaaaah."

Perry came back too, with a very guilty look on his face. But Stacy just grinned at him. "Don't worry about it, partner, I know you couldn't help it! Besides, I'm a hero right now."

Perry smiled back, and then his wrist communicator beeped. "Well done, Agent P," Monogram said. "You successfully turned off the inator, and everyone is back to normal."

Perry shook his head and pointed at Stacy. Monogram was surprised. " _You_ turned it off? Oh, well, good job, Agent…"

"Stacy," she said proudly.

"Right…" he said. "Very well done, young lady."

"Thanks," she said, wondering if her cheeks were going to be permanently damaged from smiling so much.

Monogram leaned off screen and whispered, "Carl! Did we ever hire a teenager named Stacy?"

"Not to my knowledge, sir," Carl replied. "Though there might be some interns I forgot about."

"Right, right…" Monogram said, as Stacy looked at Perry and giggled. "Well," he said, coming back on the screen. "The world certainly owes you a debt, Agent Stacy, and we're very grateful to you. Agent P, I trust you'll make sure the machine is disposed of."

Perry gave a quick nod, and motioned for Stacy to stay where she was. He ran to the inator, pressed the self-destruct button, and ran back to the balcony as the thing exploded. He and Stacy exited the balcony, but could still hear Doofenshmirtz call after them "Curse you, Perry the Platypus! And your little friend, too!"

Perry dropped Stacy off back at her house. Stacy looked towards her front door and sighed. "Well, I guess this is it," she said. "Too bad, I was really starting to get into it."

She turned and looked back at him, and he smiled and saluted. She solemnly saluted back. "It's been fun," she said, and he nodded in agreement. "You come to me anytime you need my help again, you hear?" she asked and he nodded again enthusiastically. "Oh, and I guess this is yours," she said, taking the hat off and handing it back to him. "Thanks for the loan, I guess that's what made your guys think I was an agent." Perry grinned and put the hat back on.

She sighed again and waved. "Okay, I'm dragging this out too long. Bye Perry, I guess I'll see you sometime at Candace's." He nodded and waved back, not turning away until she was inside her house.

Stacy didn't know if she could go back to civilian life after that, but after going to the mall with Candace she realized her fears had been in vain. She'd just about moved on from the past 24 hours when she finally went home, until she found a present on her bed. There was a note on top that said "Thanks for everything, Agent Stacy, I really owe you one! –Agent P" and inside was a fedora.

Stacy grabbed the hat and put it one. She looked at herself in the mirror, and a huge smile crept along her face. Agent Stacy was officially a thing, baby.

 **The End**


End file.
